Monday, August 22, 2011

Ridiculous Pokémon Products

Over the years, Pokémon has manifested itself into far weirder things than action figures and trading cards. Remember when being a Pokénerd was uncool? Stupid hipsters making everything so mainstream!
Pokébra

This one’s for the ladies in the house (or dudes if you’re into it, Pokébra judges no gender!), these adorable bras are custom made, meaning every boobie of every size can be successfully captured by this nerdiness.


It’s a shame that during all his years on the air in prepubescent purgatory Ash was never old enough to touch a boob. I’m pretty sure a bra like this would have made his awkward teenage years more memorable.
Pokémon Jets

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No it’s...wait, no, it’s really a plane – but it’s covered in Pokémon!

Flown by Japanese airline All Nippon Airways, these jets are used for promotional Pokémon livery. Over the years the faces of countless Pokémon have graced its exteriors, as well as the interiors, which are decorated with a Pokémon theme. Oh Japan, you’re so silly!
Pokéball Beret

I personally think anyone who wears a beret looks like a snarky, pretentious, douche. At least now with the Pokéball Beret you can also look like Foongus too, so that’s not as bad.

Just be careful, random trainers may stop you thinking you’re an item.
Yellow Pikachu Lightning Nike Sneakers

Need a little Pika in your step? Look no further than these fine kicks. If the idea of having bright yellow sneakers isn’t enough for you, then maybe the joy of stepping on the iconic electric mouse will tickle your funny bone. Also, they’re Nikes – so this is quality stuff!
PokéDex iPhone Case

Just in case your friends and family weren’t annoyed with you enough for always having your iPhone out, now you can pretend you’re filling your PokéDex.

When you get caught trying to take creeper pictures of girls at the bar (and you will), you can just tell them you’re gathering data for a senile old man who’s too lazy to fill his own Encyclopedia. Technology, yay!
Pikachu Boxers

Since I did bras for the girls, it's the boy’s turn to share their underwear. While these Pokémon boxers aren’t the most ridiculous, I can’t help but be a bit upset that they only showcase already overexposed Pikachu and nothing else.

I mean, what’s a better ice breaker than going up to a girl and saying, “Hey, wanna see my Pokéballs?” Only to show her that your boxers are covered with Pokéballs! It'll be the funniest restraining order you'll ever recieve.
Pokémon Kanto Badge Collection

Need some motivation to head to the gym? Alright, have a member of your family go to your local power house, and give each of these badges to eight personal trainers. To earn them back, you’re going to have to face-off against them, and after you’ve collected all the badges you’ll be buff enough to face the Head Honcho of the gym.

I don’t know who that would be, since I don’t go to the gym, but I can only assume he’s burly, scary and his name is Tiny.
Pikachu Car

Can you imagine cruising around town in a freaking Pikachu Mobile? No, you can’t, because it’s too awesome for the human mind to process. Seriously, try it. You got nothing, right? Right.

I don’t know where in Japan these cars exist (besides my wildest dreams) but one day I will find one and I will drive the absolute hell out of it.
Pokémon Hoodie

Some of you like Pokémon – I mean, really like Pokémon - so much, in fact, that you want to be a Pokémon. It’s okay though, because you’re not alone anymore. Someone else out there made this hoodie especially for you, and look! You can be a Charmandar! It even has a tail! Isn’t that just adorkable?

Game Boy Color Platform Shoes

I think UGO has showcased the hell out of this shoe, being featured in both Marissa Meli and Kevin Fitzpatrick’s respective articles, but you know what? Deal with it. This shoe is ludicrous, it needs to be shared with the world, and it’s my job as a Journalist to discuss this and Pokémon Underwear.

This is hard-hitting news!

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